A Light in the Dark
by emmzz75
Summary: Bella is a highly successful sex surrogate. She is professional and used to dealing with men and women with complex sexual problems...but nothing has prepared her for what happens when shy and broken Jasper Whitlock walks into her life. AH OOC Non-Cannon pairings - Jasper/Bella
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

My doorbell rang signalling the arrival of my latest client. I opened the door and was greeted by Ben's smiling face.

"Hiya Bella, how are you today?" he asked politely.

"I'm great, thanks Ben. Come in," I answered whilst motioning for him to enter.

We went and sat down on the sofa together and I took Ben's hand in mine.

"So tell me about your week then honey," I asked him with an encouraging smile.

"It was good," he answered, before adding quietly, "I asked her out."

I reached forward and hugged him tightly, before telling him how proud I was of him.

"It's all thanks to you," he beamed.

"We did to together," I answered.

I was so proud of Ben, he was so changed from the shy awkward geek that walked in here three months ago. I took his hands in mine again and looked into his eyes.

"So this is our last session. Do you still want to take the lead as we discussed last time?"

He looked nervous all of a sudden but smiled and nodded his head.

"Okay then, that's great. Well over to you then Ben," i said with a smile.

"Umm, there is just one other thing too Bella!"

"Yeah hun, what's that?"

"Well, erm, I kinda wanted to try and make you . . . erm . . . come!" he stated awkwardly.

"Oh honey, it's okay. You can say anything to me remember," I reassured him as his face was flaming bright red. I tried to think how I could answer him in a way that wouldn't knock his bit of new found confidence.

"Ben honey, you don't have to worry about pleasing me. These sessions are for you."

"Oh yeah I get that, but well I just thought that it might be good practice for me," he answered, seeming to have overcome most of his embarrassment.

The truth was that I very very rarely had an orgasm when I was with a client. I did more in the early days but sex had become more about the other person now and although I enjoyed myself and did feel some pleasure I hardly ever climaxed. In fact I couldn't remember the last orgasm I had had that wasn't whilst enjoying my own company. I tried to think how to let him down gently.

"I've taught you the techniques that will please a women and hopefully make her come and if you want to try them on me then I would love that," I answered truthfully.

Maybe I would fake it or just see what happened.

He smiled shyly before gathering his courage and stating; "I'm gonna make you feel so good Bella!"

He leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine, I opened my lips slightly and moved them against his encouraging him to go further. He took the hint and swept his tongue along my lower lip, seeking entrance. I tried to focus on the moment but couldn't help but let me mind wonder to how Ben had changed over the last few months.

When he first came to Alice and I wanting help, he was a shy, socially inept geek. Although he was a pretty good looking 25 year old guy, he had never had any contact with the opposite sex. He had never even had a full conversation with a girl, let alone kissed one. He worked in the male dominated field of IT and spent his days in an office full of men (mostly shy geeks like himself) and his evenings at home with his mom. There was one girl in his office though that he had admired from afar for over 2 years and he desperately wanted the courage to go and talk to her. So he'd cashed in some savings and purchased the full works package from Alice and I.

The full package was a three month intensive course. Alice provided three sessions a week of therapy to help Ben get to the route of his anxiety around women and provide him with tools to combat it. I on the other hand provided a more hands on solution to his problems. I took him shopping and helped him pick out some new clothes, took him to the salon and got him a makeover, and worked with Alice on improving his social skills. I also took his virginity.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

My last session with Ben had been a great success. He'd took the lead like a pro and left our office/apartment very satisfied both physically and emotionally. Maybe it was unethical but I'd decided to fake an orgasm for him. He'd been performing oral on me like an expert and I had no doubt that if I'd been into him and this was a 'real' date, that I would be cumming all over his face! So I'd done my best When Harry Met Sally impression and made all the right noises for him. The look on his face had made me pleased with my decision and I knew from the way he was humping the bed beneath himself that he was desperate for his own release.

Once he was satisfied that I was satisfied, he'd gently turned me over and announced with glee that he was going to take me from behind. I hadn't been able to help the smirk that spread across my face and I shifted my position saying a 'yes sir' to him, which in turn earned a smirk back from him. I had got onto my hands and knees and looked behind me at Ben, and given him a reassuring smile, whilst he rolled a condom onto himself.

I soon felt his erect cock pressing up against me, as he tried to find my entrance. I felt him first poke at me too high and then too low. So I helped him out by reaching behind and guiding him in the right direction. When I felt him at my opening, I gently wiggled myself onto him and I felt him press himself the rest of the way in. He'd gripped onto my hips and proceeded to pump in and out of me with wild abandon. I was really pleased and proud to see him acting so confidently and feeling like he could take the lead. And yes these were the thoughts going through my head whilst a hot, fit, 25 year old man took me from behind. I was in 'work' mode and never really felt like I could allow myself to enjoy it. It had only took a few minutes before I felt his movements speed up and become erratic. And only seconds more before he shouted his thanks to the gods and held himself against me while he found his release.

We'd showered together afterwards and then dressed and said our goodbyes. I'd asked him to stay in touch and to let me know how he got on during his date with Angela. Although our sessions were now over and Ben had left a satisfied customer, working so intensely and intimately with someone meant that I formed a close and unforgettable bond with all my clients. I couldn't do what I did if I didn't care, in my own way, about all the men and women that I worked with. Yes, I said women. Although I wouldn't class myself as bisexual, I had worked with two gay women during my time as a sex therapist and I'd found them both interesting experiences.

My professional life was greatly fulfilling and I was very successful and respected in my field of work. I even had two books published, one had made it into the New York Times bestsellers list. Although, due to the sensitive nature of my work, I had used a pen name and had refused to have my photograph in the book. However, my personal life was a different matter. I mean who wants to have a relationship with a 29 year old woman who has sex with other men and women for a living. It would take a very special man to be able to cope with this and sadly I hadn't met him yet. I had been doing this job for five years now and it had been four years since I had had sex with someone that wasn't paying me for the experience. Oops I just made myself sound like a whore then. But I'm not, what I do is perfectly legal. I am a certified Sex Surrogate, and I have a certificate to prove it. And I'm bloody good at what I do.

I'd slept well last night, and I was enjoying the unusually warm and sunny April morning whilst I walked to the small unassuming apartment that Alice and I had converted to use as our base. It had felt wrong to do what we did in an office building and we felt that the clients would feel more comfortable in a more homely environment. So together we had bought a two bedroomed apartment in a nice area of Seattle. We used one of the bedrooms as an office for Alice, and I used the other bedroom for my sessions. We also had an open plan kitchen/living room that was used as a multi purpose area. It had a kitchenette and a small table that I often set out like a table in restaurant, when I was helping clients practice going on dates. I also used the living area as a space to talk and relax with clients during my sessions. This area contained a large comfy sofa, a coffee table, some bookshelves, and a tv, dvd and music system.

Alice had a meeting scheduled with a new client and because we had our offices in an apartment block, rather than a traditional office block with security, we never worked in the building alone. This was a first initial meeting with a guy called Jasper, that a friend of Alice's had referred to her. Alice would conduct a few sessions with him and decide if he needed any sessions with me. Alice was a clinical psychologist and about half of our clients only worked with Alice, as they either didn't need the sort of 'help' I provided or just simply weren't comfortable with it.

I arrived at our building and rode up in the elevator to the fourth floor, quickly reaching our apartment. I glanced at my watch, and saw that there was still fifteen minutes before he was due to arrive. As I entered the apartment the welcome smell of freshly brewed coffee hit me.

"You're just in time Bells, I'm just about to pour the coffee. I swear you have a sixth sense when it comes to getting a cup of coffee," Alice laughed.

I sat up on the counter next to her and reached for the cup that she offered me, taking a long sip of the amber nectar.

"I'm planning to work on my laptop in the sitting room whilst you have your session. I've been getting a lot of good ideas down for my new book recently, I feel like I'm on a bit of a roll, so I'll use the time to continue with that," I told Alice with a smile.

She nodded and I took my coffee cup and got myself comfortable on the sofa. By the time I'd got my laptop and notes out, there was a light knock at the door. Alice skipped over to the door and opened it up. I turned back to my laptop and started my work. I didn't want to stare at the guy and make him feel uncomfortable, as usually our clients were painfully shy and awkward around women. I heard Alice introducing herself and telling him that they would have the session in her office. I glanced over at them as Alice was leading the guy towards her office door, just as he also glanced over at me. Our eyes locked for a split second before he quickly looked away and started staring at the floor once again. But in that second something passed between us that I had never felt before and couldn't describe. As I watched the back of his head, as he headed into Alice's office, I could help the thought that invaded my mind.

I really, really hoped that Alice would suggest to him that he needed my help!

**Hope you enjoyed these chapters. I have up to chapter 8 wrote, so I'll post every few days until I'm up to date here and the hopefully weekly.**

**Please hit review and let me know what you think, as your words mean a lot to and make me write faster.**

**xxxxxxxx**


	3. Chapter 3

**Important A/N at the bottom but until then, enjoy the story :)**

Chapter 3

I sat back on the sofa, sipped my coffee, and thought about what had just happened. I couldn't remember ever feeling an instant connection like that. I closed my eyes and began to picture Jasper in my mind. He was tall, a little over 6 foot I'd guess. He had dirty blond hair that was slightly wavy and went down to his cheekbones. There was a few days worth of stubble covering his chin and it just added to his rugged sexiness. I wondered what he and Alice were discussing right now. I was very tempted to press my ear to the door and listen in, no one would know, but of course I didn't.

The next hour dragged on and on and felt more like three. I tried to work on my laptop but I was so distracted that I doubted anything I wrote would be usable. Eventually I heard Alice opening the door. I peeked my head up from the sofa and watched them emerge from the room. Once again Jasper looked over at me and our eyes met for a split second, before he again cast his eyes in the direction of the floor. I could hear Alice talking to him.

"I feel this has been a really productive session."

I saw Jasper nod slightly, before Alice carried on speaking.

"Before you go I'd like to introduce you to my colleague Bella. Bella is the surrogate that we've talked about today."

I raised myself up from sofa and approached them. I could feel my heart rate pick up as I approached him, I couldn't believe how I was reacting to him. I mentally shook myself and tried to put my professional head on.

"Hello Jasper, its really nice to meet you," I stated, whilst sticking my hand out to shake his.

Before I had chance to raise my hand out in from of myself full, Alice spoke.

"Bella, Jasper doesn't always feel that comfortable with physical contact with women."

I realised I'd made a rookie mistake immediately. I knew this was often an issue with men that Alice and I treated, so I couldn't believe that I had done that. My cheeks flamed red with embarrassment and guilt. God, I hated that I had just made him feel so uncomfortable. What was wrong with me today, this guy had just got me so off my game. I shot Alice a look of apology, before speaking.

"Jasper, I'm so so sorry. I hope you will accept my apology and my guarantee that I will never made you feel uncomfortable again."

He nodded slightly again, before raising his eyes to me and saying quietly that it was okay.

Alice led him to the door and showed him out. When she turned to me there was a look of disapproval on her face.

"Bella, I can't believe you did that!"

"I know, I know! I don't know where my mind is today, I really am sorry."

"Well I supposed you weren't to know the extent of his problems, but still..." she said, before trailing off.

"Again, I'm sorry. Won't happen again."

"Well no point dwelling on it, lets drop it."

Alice went into the kitchen area and poured herself another coffee. I really wanted to know more about this guy, but didn't want to sound too eager. So I patiently waited for her to come and sit beside me and give me a recap of her sessions like she usually did. Alice always got the client's written consent to share any information with me that she felt would be of benefit.

"So how did it go?" I asked Alice casually as she came to sit beside me.

"He was very nervous, so we only talked about very basic stuff. I did most of the talking actually, explaining how we do things and what he can expect from me and what I would like from him. I got the consent forms signed and we agreed to do at least another three sessions over the next week and half."

"So do you think he will open up to you?" I asked hopefully.

"My gut feeling is that it isn't going to be easy and that I'm going to have to go really slowly, but yeah, he's seeked us out so I think he will open up eventually."

The conversation then moved on to other things and I realised that I was just going to have to sit tight and wait. Alice had another client soon, so she went back into her office to prepare. I poured myself another coffee and got back to working on my book.

~EJ~

Two weeks had gone by since Jaspers first session and Alice had met with him four more times. Each time he came for a session our eyes would meet briefly, but then he would cast them down to the floor again. But every time I felt that same connection, and the same pull towards him. Today I was sat at small table, in the busy coffee shop near my apartment, waiting for Alice. She'd suggested meeting here, so I really hoped it was to talk about Jasper. Alice floated in a few seconds later and sat in the chair opposite me.

"Aww you got me my favourite smoothie, thanks babe," she said, before taking a long suck on the straw sticking out of her mango smoothy.

"You're welcome," I smiled back.

We chatted about the usual stuff for a bit. Alice told me all about her noisy neighbors that were keeping her awake with their late night sex sessions. And I told her how my book was coming along and that my editor had loved the first draft that I'd sent her.

"Oh that reminds me actually Bella. Speaking of your books, my new client Jasper in a bit of a fan of them."

I felt a rush of blood go to my face and I quickly let my long hair fall over my cheeks to hopefully cover it. And a few butterflies started dancing in my stomach. I mentally kicked myself for acting like a hormonal 16 year old girl.

"Really!" I managed to choke out.

"Yeah, he's really opened up in the last few sessions and he told me that he came here for you Bella. He'd heard about you on the internet and so he got your books and read them. Now he's sure you're the person he needs to solve his problems."

"Oh okay," I answered before eagerly waiting for her to continue.

"Bella, I know you need to know some details but I feel that some things would be better coming from Jasper, when he feels ready to share them with you."

"Yes, of course Alice. I trust your judgement one hundred percent, you know that!" I answered truthfully.

"Good. well lets take our drinks to my car so we can talk in private."

I nodded and followed behind Alice. I couldn't help the huge grin that spread across my face when she wasn't looking. The thought of being a surrogate for Jasper had me tingling all over and I mean ALL over. But I soon sobered up when I heard what Alice had to tell me about his past.

"Okay Bella, what I will tell you is that Jasper has some serious trust issues, especially when it comes to women. His mom walked out on him and his dad when Jasper was 11. Jasper knew his parents were having problems but his mom had promised him only weeks earlier that she would never leave him and had told him that he could always trust her."

Alice paused here to let the information sink in, before she continued.

"This was combined with the fact that shortly afterwards he started to go through puberty. He went to his dad with his questions but his father was an intensely religious man and he made Jasper feel like his feelings and bodily reactions were wrong and dirty. His father was also deeply bitter over the breakup and constantly told Jasper that women were evil and full of sin. Jasper has let these feeling and beliefs fester inside himself for the past 17 years."

My heart went out to him and I really hoped that I could win his trust and break down some of the walls he had built.

Alice continued on, "He does realise deep down that his feeling about women and sex are misguided but he cannot free himself from the doubt and the guilt. And he'd like you to help him with that Bella, he really does want to change and to have a better life."

Alice paused to look me in the eye before adding, "so do you think you would be willing to take him on?"

My heart lept into my throat at the question and the butterflies went into overdrive, but I knew that I could help Jasper.

"Yes," I answered simple.

**A/N - Hello folks, only me :) I've had some questions sent to me so I'll answer then here.**

**1: Yes I have posted this story before under a different name, on a different account. It was removed after a few days by FFnet. I posted it again a few weeks later but it was removed again within hours, so thinking that that account must be being monitored I've decided to set up a new account and try posting again :)**

**2. Yes this story is up on The Writers Coffee Shop, don't worry I'm not copying anyone, it is me on both sites. But thank you to the person that sent me the message on TWCS fearing that I'd been plagiarized. It's good to know that we're all here looking out for each other xx**

**So keeping my fingers crossed that it doesn't get swiped again xx**

**I know there are lots of you reading this and reviews are like crack to a writer, so as soon as I get 10 reviews I'll post the next chapter *evil grin* - so hit review and leave me some sugar x**


	4. Chapter 4

- **Text Size** +

Chapter 4

I sat in our office/apartment impatiently tapping my nails on the laptop in front of me, while Alice droned on about the latest shoes she'd purchased. Jasper was due to arrive for our first session in five minutes and I was nervous, impatient and excited all at the same time. It was four days since Alice had asked me if I wanted to take his case on and since then I had used the information she had provided to do some reading and research and I'd come up with a plan for our sessions. Of course I never knew how a client would react to the sessions so it was never an exact science but I liked to have a basic plan before I started. Today I wanted to mainly talk to him but I did want to introduce a bit of touching.

I'd set my room up already and I had several aromatherapy candles burning. I believed on a holistic approach that stimulated all of the senses. I'd thought very carefully about the colours I'd used in the room and the types of furnishing. Nothing had been put in there by accident. The room contained a large bed, as I liked to have a lot of space to move around freely, but it had a small light wood frame so it appeared unintimidating. The bed was pushed into corner of the room on the left hand side, as I didn't want it to be the main feature of the room. There was a small bedside cabinet next to it, that had a lamp on top of it. The right side of the room had a small seating area with a large comfy sofa, a coffee table, and a large lamp. Both lamps had low voltage bulbs and together created a nice, soft lighting effect. The floor was covered in a deep pile cream carpet and the walls were a soft sage color. The room was finished off with long floor length teal drapes covering the window, and a matching plain bedspread.

A quiet knock at the door brought me out of my thoughts and I sprung up quickly from my chair. Alice smirked at me and giggled.

"Eager much Bella!"

I started to form an excuse for my eagerness but realised that she was just teasing and anything I said would only give me away more. So I just smiled at her and made my way to the door.

When I opened the door the man before me took my breath away. He was perfection personified. His eyes were cast towards the floor as always, as he mumbled a quiet hello. I greeted him equally quietly and motioned for him to enter. As he walked past me I involuntarily sniffed the air and fuck me, if he didn't smell as good as he looked. His scent was a mix of fresh citrus and mint. He was dressed simply, in worn jeans, a casual checked shirt, and a pair of well worn cowboy boots. Basically he looked like sex on legs and I may have been drooling a little. Alarm bells were going off in the back of my mind but I couldn't bring myself to listen to them.

"My room is this way, if you'd like to follow me Jasper."

I led him towards my session room and opened the door so he could step inside. As I followed him I had to actively stop myself from checking out his butt. I made a conscious effort to banish all unprofessional thoughts from my head, as I sat down on one end of the large sofa and motioned for Jasper to sit at the other end. He sat down stiffly and I saw him cast his eyes around the room, they lingered a little longer than necessary on the bed at the other side of the room, before he looked nervously back at the floor. I made a mental note that I needed to work on eye contact with him.

"Jasper, as you know I'm Bella and I'm a sex surrogate. Right from the start I want you to know that nothing will happen in this room that you are not one hundred percent comfortable with. I will push you to break through some of your boundaries surrounding women and intimacy, but at all times I need you to know that you have the right to say stop."

He was still studying his feet with great intensity, so I added.

"I need you to answer me Jasper, so I know you understand and have the confidence to do this."

He looked up at me then and his eyes met mine.

"Yes, I do understand. Alice told me this and she also said that many of your clients just come to you to work through their intimacy issues and that you never have any real physical contact with them."

"Yes, Alice is correct. These sessions will progress as you want them to Jasper."

I was about to add more when he interrupted me and stated with confidence. "I know what I want!"

"And what is that Jasper?"

"I want you to take my virginity."

Before I had chance to respond he rushed on with his explanation.

"I find this really difficult to talk about, especially with a beautiful young women like yourself. But I'm twenty-nine and I'll be thirty in four months. I don't want to be a thirty year old virgin who is paralyzed by fear and insecurities when I'm around any attractive women. I'm fed up feeling scared and unsure and I want what all my friends have. I want a normal relationship, I want to be normal." He ended his speech, quietly whispering the last few words.

I felt so sad for him, but I knew from experience that he wouldn't want my pity.

"You are normal Jasper, there are many, many men out there feeling exactly the same way. When your male friends talk about sex with women, do you lie about your insecurities and your inexperience?"

I put my hand up before he had chance to answer and added. "I only ask this because I would bet money that many of your friends haven't had anywhere near the amount of sexual experience they say they have had. Please believe me Jasper, you are normal!"

Jasper nodded, before adding quietly, "I hope you're right."

"If losing your virginity and gaining some sexual experience is what you want out of these sessions then we will work together to achieve that," I stated and the butterflies returned to my chest as I said it.

"I've read all your books," he said shyly, studying the floor again now he'd finished his bold declaration.

"Did you like them?" I asked with a smile.

"They are the reason I came here," he added. I nodded my head, not wanting to admit that Alice had already told me.

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Because I felt that you would understand," he said, raising his eyes to meet mine, before continuing.

"I knew that you could help me, I knew that you were the one."

This statement hung in the air between us and for once in my life I was speechless. Was it fate that had brought this beautiful broken man into my life. The air seemed to crackle between us, as we both continued to just simply look at each other.

**A/N - Updated as promised and thanks for my 10 reviews :)**

**Had a few more questions so I'll answer them again. **

**1. This will all be in Bella's POV - I may do another POV at the end if anyone wants it but this is Bella's story to tell.**

**2. Yes I will continue to update on TWCS as well.**

**So what did you think, let me know! I LOVE reviews they get me all excited and happy and so as soon as my review total hits 20, I'll post the next chappy - so get pressing the button xxxx**

**Thanks for reading x**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"I knew that you could help me, I knew that you were the one."

This statement hung in the air between us and for once in my life I was speechless. Was it fate that had brought this beautiful broken man into my life. The air seemed to crackle between us, as we both continued to just simple look at each other.

His eyes were mesmerising and I couldn't look away. Eventually it was Jasper who broke the stare, as he cast his eyes towards the floor once more.

"I'm sure I can help you," I finally said in a soft voice.

Jasper looked up once more and a beautiful smile spread across his face. This was the first time I had seen him smile, and I hoped to see him smile a lot more now that we was starting to relax in my presence.

"If you aren't too uncomfortable with the idea, I would like to introduce some hand touching this session!" I asked hopefully.

As I looked at him, his smile faded and a small frown appeared on his face, causing a crease to appear between his eyes.

"I thought we would just be talking today!" He stated.

"We can just talk if that is what you really want, but I think that it's important that we start to very slowly and gently break down some of the barriers that you have built. And I also think that it's vital that we start this from the very first session."

I paused so that he could think about what I had said, before adding.

"If at anytime you want to stop then just say so and we will immediately, I promise you this." He still looked unsure, so I continued to speak.

"Do you trust me Jasper?"

"Yes," he answered quietly.

"Then believe that I have your best interests in mind whenever I ask anything of you and trust that we will stop the moment you say so. Also believe that it won't be a failed exercise even if you stop immediately, you will have tried and you will have trusted and these will both be great achievements."

I saw the hint of a smile return to his face and I could see him physically relax again. So I took one of the large cushions that was on the sofa and placed it between us.

"I'll explain what I have planned and then you can take a minute to decide if you want to try the exercise or not!"

When he nodded, I carried on. "I'll ask you to place one of your hands, palm down, onto this cushion, then I will touch you on the top of your hand with just the tips of my fingers. I'll do this on both hands and then I'll gradually increase the amount of contact and hopefully work towards giving you a hand massage. But we will go at your pace and stop whenever you want, either to take a break or to stop the exercise altogether. I will also talk to you throughout and ask you how you feel."

Jasper nodded his head and tentatively placed his hand on the cushion.

"You can close your eyes, or keep them open, whichever feels best for you."

He nodded again, so I started the exercise.

"Okay Jasper, I'm going to touch your hand now with my fingers."

I slowly reached out my hand and touched the ends of my fingers onto his knuckles. Using a feather like touch I moved my fingers down his hand to the tips and back up again. I looked at him and saw that he had closed his eyes. I let my fingers rest on the top of his hand and asked, "is this okay?"

"Yes, I'm okay with this at the moment."

I continued to move my fingers lightly across his whole hand. His hands were rough in some places and surprisingly soft in others I mused. I did this for a few minutes and then asked, "Is this still okay?"

He answered with a simple "yes."

"Would you like to put your other hand on the cushion?"

He didn't answers, but simply placed his other hand on the cushion. I looked again at his face and he still had his eyes closed. I did the same movements on this hand and I could sense him relaxing more and more. I smiled to myself.

"You are doing great Jasper, I'm so proud of you."

In response he smiled and opened his eyes. I continued to look into his eyes as I ran my whole hand up and down his, and ignored the tingle that I was feeling throughout my whole myself that I was just feeling pride and achievement, nothing more.

In a shaky voice I asked, "would you be comfortable if I touched both hands at once?"

I saw his Adam's Apple bob up and down as he swallowed nervously, but then he nodded yes. I tentatively placed both hands fully on top of his and made small circles movements, while still staring into his eyes. I seemed incapable of breaking myself away from his gaze.

"Is this still alright?" I asked in a voice that was rather too hoarse.

"I'm feeling a little uncomfortable," he stated shyly.

"Do you know why that is?"

"Because I'm enjoying it too much!" he said in a pained voiced as he pulled his hands away from mine. "I need to stop now," he added.

His eyes were suddenly fixed firmly on the floor again and he began to squirm slightly in his seat and look very uncomfortable.

"That's fine Jasper, you did really well. I'm very proud of you," I smiled.

I paused, but when he didn't say anything, I asked, "do you think you can tell me why you needed to stop?"

"It was just too much."

"I don't want to put words in your mouth but you said you were enjoying it too much. Do you think that you're not allowed to enjoy a woman's touch?"

He looked up at me and the pained expression on his face broke my heart and made me even more determined to help him.

"It felt too, too," he paused before almost whispering the word sensual.

"Jasper I think that you are mixing up sexuality with intimacy. I think that your fear of sexuality has stopped you from enjoying any sort of intimacy and closeness with another person. I think your brain and your body has been trained to think that any form of physical closeness is sexual and therefore wrong."

I saw the crease between his eyes deepen at my words, before he said, "Fuck, I'm such a loser. My fucking father and his fucking church and their fucking high morals."

At this he bent his head and put his face in his arms and muttered," God Bella, I'm so fucked up aren't I?"

"You're not!" I answered.

He lifted his face from his hands and half shouted, "yeah, then why did you just touching my fucking hands give me a fucking hard on?"

I got the urge to take him in my arms and hug him until all his worries and problems disappeared.

I'd had lots of men in here that had similar problems to Jasper but I had never felt so protective of a client before. I wanted to go find his mother and slap her in the face for abandoning him and hunt his father down and tell him how wrong he is. The connection I felt towards Jasper was a little overwhelming but I knew that I couldn't stop now. I knew that I needed to see this through to the end, no matter what. I just feared for my poor fragile heart.

**Please review and let me know what you think xx**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The connection I felt towards Jasper was a little overwhelming but I knew that I couldn't stop now. I knew that I needed to see this through to the end, no matter what. I just feared for my poor fragile heart.

"Honey, there is nothing wrong with your body having a physical reaction to a particular stimuli. Your mind has been programmed since your early teens to think that any kind of intimate physical contact is sexual. So this is why your body responded to my touch."

I paused and looked at Jasper. I knew he had heard me but he continued to look past me, shame and embarrassment clear on his face.

"We all respond to stimuli, I've known the craziest things to get people sexually aroused." I smiled before continuing.

"I'll share something about myself that will maybe make you smile and hopefully feel better about yourself." As I said this Jasper finally made eye contact with me and I saw some curiosity in his eyes. I smiled again before continuing with my confession.

"I get aroused by batteries!" I said, with a laugh.

Jasper looked at me with a confused expression, so I added, "Because of my job, I don't have a boyfriend very often, so I have to have sex with myself. Usually with the aid of a vibrator. So the sight of new high powered batteries makes me think of how powerful my vib would be with them in."

I stopped then to gauge his reaction on hearing me talk so openly about masterbation and my personal life. He had a comical mix of shock, embarrassment, and fascination wrote across his face.

"So there you go, I get a girl hard on from just looking at batteries. I've told you this story to try and make you understand that it's normal to have a physical reaction to something that shouldn't really give you that reaction. Do you understand? Do you see that it's normal?"

"I do understand. It's just that the bullshit is so ingrained in my goddamn mind that I find it so difficult to get past it," he answered.

"I am confident that your sessions with Alice and myself will break down those barriers for you. And I am equally confident that a normal physical relationship isn't out of your grasp. It's just gonna take time and you have to be patient with yourself."

He smirked at me then, giving me the most panty dropping lopsided smile I have ever seen, and joked, "Rome wasn't built in a day eh!"

"No, exactly," I laughed back.

The tense atmosphere that had been in the room suddenly lifted and Jasper carried on smiling at me, before saying, "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah anything, you can always ask me anything."

"Is that story true?"

I laughed again. "Sadly yes, yes it is."

"I find this shit so difficult to talk about but I do realise that I need to just get over it. So can I ask you something else?"

I smiled. "Jasper ask me anything."

"I know lots of men...um...you know." He motioned to his crotch and made a few up and down movements with his hand.

I stored away in my mind that we would have to practice saying some of the words that he obviously deemed too embarrassing or wrong to utter.

"Masterbate?" I asked.

"Erm, yeah, that. But, well, I just didn't think that women did it!"

"This is an interesting question. I think it's less acceptable in society for women to openly admit that they masterbate, so I think that many keep it quiet. A lot of women also need an electrical device to reach orgasm, and embarrassment stops many women from going out and buying one. So not as many women do it as men, but many girls do, including me." I smiled, before asking.

"Do you?"

He avoided eyes contact again and shook his head no. I was saddened to hear this, but given the history Alice had shared with me, I wasn't surprised.

"Well we can work on that too," I added in a soft voice.

I glanced at my watch and saw that our session was nearly up. I always kept the first session relatively short and I would increase the length over the next few weeks.

"Sadly our first session is nearly over," I said sincerely.

Jasper looked at me again. "Wow, that has gone by really quickly actually. I was so nervous beforehand, but that wasn't so bad," he smiled.

"Good, I'm glad I wasn't so scary after all. But I haven't given you your homework yet."

"Homework!" he questioned, smiling that sexy crooked grin at me once more.

"Yep."

I pulled out one of the draws that was in the coffee table in front us and took out a notebook and pen.

"I noticed that you had trouble saying the word masterbate. So I'm going to write down some of the words that I think you might find difficult to say."

On the paper I wrote down fifteen words, including vagina, penis, masterbate and cock, along with eleven other words that all had sexual connections. I passed the pad to Jasper and saw him look down the list.

"Once you get home I want you to say these words out loud, and I want you to continue to say them at least twenty times each day, until we meet for our next session in four days. The more you do it, the more the words should become easier to say, and the less taboo they will seem."

As I looked at Jasper he nodded his head. "I'll do my best," he said with a sincere voice.

"Great and if there are anymore you can think of, then add then to the list and practice saying them too."

I stood up then and Jasper followed my lead and stood up too.

"I would love to end our session by giving you a hug. Do you think this is something you could do?"

I knew I was pushing his boundaries but it just felt right to end our session with some sort of physical contact and I always went with my instincts.

"Yeah that would be okay," he said quietly.

I stepped closer to him, but not so close that our bodies were touching and leaned forward just enough so that I could encircle him with my arms. I was only small so my arms only just went around to touch his back. I left enough room so that he could put his arms around me if he wanted to. I also made sure that the bottom half of my body didn't touch his, as I knew this would be too much for him at this point. He didn't hug me back, but he didn't step away from my embrace either, so I felt that this was a huge achievement for our first session. I rested my head on his chest and squeezed him a little tighter for only a second and then let me arms drop and stepped back. I was sure I heard him sigh a little and it sounded like a happy sigh.

"Thank you for letting me do that Jasper," I said, beaming at him. He responded with a smile equally as bright and I was so glad I had pushed him to do it.

Our session ended on a light note and we chatted casually about his work as a children's book illustrator, as I walked him to the door, and he promised to bring me some of his work to look at at our next session. Once he had left I sat down with Alice and told her how things had gone, and she told me what she had planned for her next meeting with him in two days.

That night as I lay awake in bed unable to find sleep, my mind wandered over the little bit of time I'd spent with Jasper today. I then started to think about all the things I had planned for our sessions over the next few weeks. Unfortunately this train of thought quickly had me growing wet between my legs and rubbing my thighs together to find some friction. I knew I would never be able to rest if I didn't find some relief, so I reached into my bedside draw and got my small purple clit stimulator out. Less than a minute on setting two and I was panting and calling out Jasper's name as I found my release.

**A/N thank you, thank you. thank you for all your lovely reviews and for all the favourites and follows - it blows my mind :)**

**So glad you're enjoying this - so keep reviewing and letting me know what you think as I love to read them xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**After all the new follower I got last chapter and the lovely reviews, I thought you deserved another chapter - Enjoy! :)**

Chapter 7

I was once again sat impatiently waiting for the soft knock at the door that would signal the beginning of my session with Jasper. I had seen him briefly two days ago when he had had his meeting with Alice. But he had really got under my skin and I had thought about him alot over the last few days. Especially once I slipped under the covers at night, when my mind seemed to drift, against my will, to thoughts of Jasper. I knew it was unprofessional to be acting like this, but I just couldn't seem to help myself. I was still in a state of denial though and wouldn't admit even to myself that my feelings for Jasper were stronger than the normal bond I developed with my clients.

My train of thought was broken by the knock that I had been expecting. I got up and hurried over to the door, banging my knee into the table in front of me in my haste. I was very pleased that Alice was in her office and wasn't here to see me. I had decided to start our session today sat in the lounge area, so Alice was doing some paperwork in her office. I opened the door to the welcome sight of Jasper standing there, looking a little more relaxed than he did when he had arrived for our first session.

"It's lovely to see you again Jasper. Come in."

He shuffled through the door, only briefly making eye contact to say a quiet hello and thank you. I noticed he had what looked like a portfolio under his right arm. I was really pleased that he had brought some of his artwork, as I had planned the first part of our session around it.

"Is that your work?" I asked, pointing towards the portfolio.

"Yeah, you said you wanted to see it, right?" he asked hesitantly.

"Yes definitely. I thought that we might sit over here in the lounge area and look at it together. If that's okay with you!"

"Of course, yes, if you're sure you want to look at it."

"I do," I answered simply, before leading him to the sofa.

Jasper put the large portfolio down awkwardly on the table and then perched himself on the edge of the sofa in front of it. I sat down next to him so that our arms were very slightly touching.

"I'd love it if you'd flick through it and tell me about some of the pictures," I stated, looking hopefully at Jasper.

He opened the large folder. "So this first stuff is what I do for work, this is the stuff that pays the rent."

He flicked through about ten pages of fairly generic drawings that you would see in most children's books. There were colourful pictures of animals, fairies and other children's characters. They were all perfectly drawn and it was clear that Jasper was very talented.

"They are lovely, you are very clever," I smiled.

"I don't like most of these," he admitted.

"Why? They are great."

He shrugged. "I just like the stuff I do in my spare time more."

"Did you bring any along?" I asked.

I looked at him and insecurity was written all over his face. "I did bring a few, but..." he trailed off. I waited for him to continue. "But I have never shown anyone before," he concluded.

"Would you like to show me Jasper?"

He smiled and chuckled a little. "Well I brought them along with me, so I guess my subconscious must want me to show them to you."

Jasper turned to the back of the folder and brought out another smaller folder. He placed it on his knee and tentatively opened it up. As he did this a thought sprung to my mind, so I asked. "Would you mind if we got a bit comfier?"

"Erm, yeah, I guess," he replied.

"This may seem a little awkward at first, but if you move further back on the sofa and place your back in the corner, I can sit and kinda lean on you while you show me your artwork. I just want to get you more used to physical contact," I concluded.

Jasper nodded and placed himself in the position that I had suggested. I slowly slid myself towards him and positioned my back against his chest. The closeness allowed me to breath in his scent. God this man smelt as good as he looked. I felt a tremendous sense of contentment spread through me, as I relaxed against him. I turned my body slightly towards him and smiled up at his face. He smiled back at me, looking at ease, so I said. "Now why don't you show me your artwork."

Jasper opened the folder up and the first drawing was a beautifully detailed illustration of a angel, drawn in a fantasy art style. It was done in coloured pencil and the angel was surrounded by swirls and flowers. It was so detailed and I think I could have looked at it for hours and still noticed different details in the drawing.

"Wow Jasper, that is just so beautiful."

"You think so," he answered shyly.

"God yeah, you are amazingly talented. Can I see some more?"

He answered by flipping to the next illustration which was another piece of fantasy art, but this one was a lot darker, and featured a dark figure that looked like a demon of some sort. But it was equally as detailed and amazing.

"You want to tell me about this one?"

"I drew this one before the angel actually. Once I'd finished the demon I just felt like I needed something to balance out the darkness, so I created the angel."

I took a moment to let what he had said sink in. I felt that it was a good sign that he had created something light to balance the dark.

"They are both amazing pieces of work," I answered truthfully.

"Thank you Bella, it really does mean alot to me that you think that."

I could feel Jasper's body relax against me and I realised that he must have been holding his body in a tense position. It felt really good to be sitting like this with him, probably too good, and I could feel a slight current passing between our bodies. I watched Jasper's long fingers brush over the illustration before he turned the page over to show me the next picture. This one was a dragon, painted in tones of purple and black and was equally as beautiful. He ran his fingers lightly over this one too, before turning to the next one. The image in front of me was a pencil portrait of a young woman, with long flowing hair spreading across the paper. I turned my head towards Jasper again, wondering if he was going to tell me who this was.

As we made eye contact, he said, "that's my mom."

"It's a lovely drawing of her."

"It's done from memory, as I don't have any photos of her. When she left, my dad was so angry and hurt that he tore up all the photos of her. It was like he wanted to erase her from our lives. Erase her from my world," he said sadly.

"You still have your memories of her, so she will never be gone. He can never totally take her away from you."

"I have very few happy memories of her Bella," he stated in an emotionless voice. He closed up the folder, so I placed it back on the table in front of us. I turned my body towards him and asked, "do you want to talk about her?"

He shrugged his shoulders and sighed. So I added, "it may help!" He looked at me with sad eyes, before he began to speak.

"She was always very closed off, I can't really remember her ever showing he any real emotion or affection, even when I was a small child. I have this very clear memory from my early childhood. I know I was only four as we had just moved house. I remember being in my new bedroom and I was so scared as it all new and there were shadows everywhere and strange noises. I could hear my mom and dad downstairs but I didn't get out bed and go find them for comfort, as I just knew, even at that young age, that they would just get mad at me and send me back to bed. So I just sat there in my bed and cried."

My heart was breaking for the little boy that I knew was still inside Jasper, the little boy that just wanted to be held and loved. Following my instincts once again, I slowly laid my hand on top of his and squeezed it lightly.

"I am here for you Jasper. You don't have to be scared anymore," I whispered, emotion causing my voice to crack.

He continued to hold my gaze, before asking, "really?"

"Really!," I answered simply. Jasper then looked down at our joined hands and I saw his shoulders begin to shake as a small sob escaped his lips. He raised his eyes to mine again and I saw a single tear track down his cheek. I could feel tears pricking my own eyes and the lump in my throat was so big that I was unable to speak. I suddenly wasn't in control of my own body anymore as I reached forward and encircled Jasper in my arms and pulled his body against mine in a tight embrace.

Relief flooded my body when he didn't pull away, but instead he placed his arms around me and held onto my body tightly. He buried his head into my shoulder and I could feel huge sobs causing his whole body to shake. I closed my eyes and held onto him even tighter as my own tears fell freely down my face.

"I'm here Jasper," I managed to whisper.


	8. Chapter 8

**Cos of all your lovely reviews I couldn't resist giving you another chapter - enjoy :) And as always let me know what you think xxx**

Chapter 8

He buried his head into my shoulder and I could feel huge sobs causing his whole body to shake. I closed my eyes and held onto him even tighter as my own tears fell freely down my face.

"I'm here Jasper," I managed to whisper.

I don't know how long we sat wrapped in each others arms like this but eventually I felt Jasper's sobs lessen and then stop completely. This was such a massive breakthrough for him, so I didn't want to be the one to break the embrace, I wanted him to be in charge. So I continued to hold him in my arms.

"Thank you!" I heard him whisper into my ear. The movement of his lips caused them to brush against my neck and a shiver of pleasure ran down my spine.

I couldn't reply, I was too scared to break the spell that seemed to be over us at the moment. But eventually I felt Jasper pulling away from me, so I released my hold on him and let him go. He got up quickly and paced about the room for several minutes, lost in his own thoughts. I could tell he needed some space so I stayed silent and just watched him from my spot on the sofa.

Eventually he came and sat down again.

"I'm sorry," he stated quietly.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Jasper."

He sighed deeply. "I'm such a fucking loser!"

"Please don't think that, because you're not a loser."

"You're only saying that because you have to," he said turning his head away from me.

His words and actions sparked a massive amount of anger and passion in me and before I could stop myself I reached for him and pulled his face back towards me.

"Don't ever accuse me of that, I always, always, speak and act from my heart. This isn't just a job for me and I need you to understand that."

I dropped my hands from his face but he didn't look away, he just looked at me with an intense sadness in his eyes.

"I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Listen Jasper, you are not a loser. You are an amazing man, with talent and heart and passion just waiting to be unleashed."

Feeling the need to lighten the moment I added, "and incredibly sexy!"

"No," he answered shaking his head. "I'm not."

"Yes you are," I said looking him deep in the eyes. I suddenly had the overwhelming urge to kiss him, the time felt right and I was so close to him that I could feel his breath on my face, but I didn't act on the impulse, fearing it was too soon. But before I could put my brain filter on I blurted out.

"I really want to kiss you right now Jasper."

A look of shock and also what appeared to be a hint of excitement shone in his eyes, and I felt him lean his head ever so slightly closer to me. This was all the encouragement that I needed and I couldn't stop myself from leaning forward and placing my lips ever so lightly on his. I let them linger there for a few seconds and every nerve ending in my body was suddenly alive and a spark zinged around, centering itself between my legs. Reluctantly I pulled back enough to see his face to gauge his reaction. The look of confusion there almost made me laugh.

I smiled and asked, "wanna do that again?"

"Yeah," he answered shyly.

I couldn't stop the wide grin from spreading across my face and I felt my heart speed up and start to pound in my chest as a feeling of warmth circled through my body. I let my hand snake up behind him and ran my fingers though the hair at the nape of his neck, all the time looking him deep in the eyes. Before I closed them and placed my lips on his once again. Feeling more confident this time I leaned into the kiss more and let my tongue ever so slightly touch his lips. I heard a delicious groan come from him and felt his lips soften against mine as he gave himself over the sensations and relaxed into the kiss. Our lips moved in sync, as if we had been doing this together all our lives, it felt so natural. Reluctantly again I moved away from him, but what I really wanted to do was pin him to the sofa and have my wicked way with him.

I still couldn't help the massive smile that adorned my face and I leaned back into the sofa, feeling a little overwhelmed and disoriented. Jasper copied my actions and we just sat there looking at each other for several seconds, both breathing deeply and grinning like cheshire cats.

"Wow," I chuckled.

"Yeah, that was, well I have no words. But I guess wow will do," He stated smiling.

"You liked that then?" I asked in a teasing tone.

He nodded but then I saw him try to discreetly adjust his pants and another flush of excitement spread through me thinking about his erect cock obviously straining to get out of his jeans. I knew we had to take this painfully slow, but god I just wanted to rip his clothes off here and now. Banishing these thoughts from my head and bringing myself back to the moment I knew I needed to spare him the embarrassment from his body's reaction to the kiss. So I asked, "do you want to freshen up in the bathroom and then we can talk about what just happened."

He nodded but still didn't get up and I realised that he still felt shy about me seeing the tent in his pants, so I got up from the sofa and walked towards the kitchen area.

"Do you want a coffee?" I asked turning my back so he could exit the room without me seeing him.

"Yeah, that would be great, thanks. Black, one sugar please."

I heard his footsteps behind me but kept my eyes trained on the coffee pot until I heard the bathroom door close softly. I turned around then and let my body flop against the counter, while I ran my hands through my hair and took some deep breaths. I wondered what Jasper was doing behind that closed door to try and calm his labido down. This train of thought led me to start thinking about the very large bulge that I'd seen in Jasper's pants and I felt a little more wetness seep into my panties. I scrubbed my hands over my face and tried to focus my thoughts on something a little more professional, like a plan for the rest of session. I looked at the wall clock and there was about twenty minutes left of the session time Jasper had booked.

I poured two cups of coffee out and walked back over to the living room area with them. While I waited for Jasper to emerge from the bathroom I sipped my coffee and thought about what I would say to him. I hadn't planned to move things on so quickly. I hadn't planned on trying to kiss Jasper for at least another three more sessions. I had planned to take it really slowly with him. A knot of worry started to form in the stomach then and I so hoped that this hadn't pushed him too far, too soon. But before I had anymore time to worry over this I heard the bathroom door open and I turned to see Jasper walking towards me with his eyes cast down towards the floor. His demeanor made my anxiety levels spike and I really hoped that I hadn't fucked things up.

I put my cup down and stood up and walked towards him. It was almost as if I had a magnetic pull towards him. I reached forward and motioned for him to take hold of my hands. As if he felt the pull too, his hands came forward and I gently took them in mine.

"Look at me Jasper," I said with an air of authority in my voice.

He raised his eyes to mine and I added, "come and sit down, so we can talk about what just happened."

He nodded and keeping one had still locked with his we walked over to the sofa and sat down.

"How did that feel?" I asked, letting go of his hand.

He paused, as if he was searching for the right words, before he said, "I really don't know how I feel, I think I need some time to process it all."

I nodded, before saying, "I will always be honest with you Jasper, so I think it's important that I tell you that I didn't plan for that to happen. Well not today anyway. I had planned to take things a lot slower but right then in that moment it just felt right and I always go with my instincts. I am just worried now that I pushed you too far and I need you to be honest with me too and tell me if this is the case."

He was silent again for several beats before finally answering. "No, I like that it happened naturally. When I signed up for this I was afraid that it would all just be so awkward all the time and clinical but today showed me that those fears were unfounded."

I felt relief flood through me and I smiled widely at him.

"Thank you Jasper for letting me share that experience with you. I want you to know that it was special to me and I hope its a memory that will always be special to you too."

I saw that delicious blush of his spread over his face and I felt a tremendous sense of contentment.

"Are you happy to end our session here?" I asked.

Jasper nodded in response. "I know I gave you some homework and don't think I've forgotten about it," I said in a teasing tone.

"I have been saying the words everyday," he said proudly.

"Good, well keep practicing saying them and don't forget to add anymore that you can think of and we'll practice you saying them out loud in front of me next session. And maybe we'll do some more kissing practice too," I added with a wink.

I confirmed our next session date and time with Jasper and then showed him out, before I collapsed onto the sofa suddenly drained of all my physical and emotional energy.

"God, this boy is gonna be the death of me," I chuckled to myself.


	9. Chapter 9

**To celebrate this story reaching 100 followers I thought I'd treat you to a new chapter. This chapter is a bit different to the rest, so I feel a bit nervous about, so let me know what you think - good or bad :)**

Chapter 9

I confirmed our next session date and time with Jasper and then showed him out, before I collapsed onto the sofa suddenly drained of all my physical and emotional energy.

"God, this boy is gonna be the death of me," I chuckled to myself.

"Difficult session?" Alice asked from behind me, making me jump.

I clutched my hand to my suddenly beating heart and laughed, "God, Ali you scared the shit out me then."

"Sorry babe," she said, plopping down next to me on the sofa.

"Sorry what did you say Alice?"

She looked at me and laughed. "Jesus Bella you really are spacey sometimes. I just asked if it had been a difficult session, you look kinda drained."

"No, not difficult. It went really well actually. It was just very emotionally draining, but we made some really good progress today."

I smiled to myself thinking about the kiss and then I had to physically stop myself from touching my fingertips to the place where our lips had touched. Thinking about our kiss caused a delicious warm feeling to spread through my body again. I looked at Alice and she was still looking at me expectantly, obviously waiting for me to continue. So bringing myself back to the present, I told her what had happened in the session. Starting with Jasper showing me his paintings and then onto his breakdown and what he'd told me about his mother and his childhood. I paused slightly before finally telling her about the kiss. I knew it was very soon for that sort of physical contact when a client was as fragile as Jasper, so I was kinda worried what her reaction was going to be. As I predicted Alice was shocked that we had progressed this far already.

"It just felt right," I told her in explanation.

"Did you talk about it afterwards?"

"Of course we did," I answered sharply and a little too defensively.

"Okay, okay babe. I was just asking," Alice added, holding her hands in front of her.

"Sorry," I sighed. "It's just been a really emotional session."

Suddenly Alice's face lit up and I could almost see a light bulb appear above her head. "Why don't we go and get something to eat and maybe have a couple of drinks, and let off some steam?"

"Yeah, that's an awesome idea actually Alice," I beamed, before adding. "Just give me an hour to run home and change."

"Okay, how about we meet at that little Italian place just down from your building?"

"Don't you wanna get changed?" I asked Alice, before realising that it was a silly question, as she was already dressed like she'd just stepped off the catwalk at New York fashion week.

"No, I'm good. I'll just finish off with some paperwork I need to get done and meet you there."

I said goodbye to Alice and excitedly rushed home. It had been too long since Alice and I had hung out and had some fun together, we were always so wrapped up with work. I had a quick shower and then gave my long brown locks a quick blast with the hair dryer. I never wore much makeup, but I put a little on, as I wanted to make a bit of an effort tonight. I wasn't really into my appearance like Alice was hers, and I knew my lack of interest in fashion and makeup drove her mad. Don't get me wrong I liked to look nice but comfort was always my number one priority. Also in my line of work it was important that I didn't look intimidating, my clients needed to feel comfortable when they were with me, so power dressing wasn't my thing.

I stood in front of my closet, looking through my meager collection of clothes, for far too long. I just couldn't make a decision today. Then I heard my phone beep from my bed. I went over to retrieve it and saw it was a text from Alice.

Just wear the red dress that I got u 4 Christmas & stop standing there debating what 2 wear. C u in 15 mins. A

I laughed to myself, that girl really was god damn psychic at times. I texted back, telling her I would see her soon, and then got the dress from my closet. It was way dressier than I'd planned for tonight, but I didn't dare argue with Alice when it came to clothes. I slipped into it, pleased that I'd got waxed this week, and looked at myself in the mirror. What I saw didn't look too bad, I just hoped that I wouldn't feel too over dressed.

Looking at the time, I realised that I needed to hurry or I'd be late, and I didn't want to leave Alice stood in the restaurant alone. So I quickly grabbed my purse and keys and headed out the door. The restaurant was literally a two minute walk away from my building, so I arrived just as Alice was getting out of a cab.

"Good timing," Alice stated smiling, while looking me up and down. "Nice dress," she smirked.

"Why thank you, I happen to know a girl with impeccable taste in clothes and she picked it out for me," I answered with a giggle.

"Come on you fool," she said, linking her arm with mine. "Lets go eat some good food and drink some nice wine."

After we'd had a delicious meal and shared at least one bottle of wine, we decided to walk a couple blocks to a new bar that Alice had heard was nice. After a block I began to regret letting Alice choose my outfit, as I never usually wore heels and they were already killing me. But I was also feeling a bit tipsy, so I couldn't stop giggling.

"This is it," Alice squealed, dragging me by the arm into the bar. "Soooo, I heard this place is full of hot men in suits coming for a drink after a day at the office," she slurred slightly into my ear.

Neither of us drunk very often, so we were both total lightweights.

"Lets get a cocktail," she said excitedly.

We got our drinks and found ourselves a nice booth in the corner where we could talk privately but still see what was going on in the bar.

"Soooooo Bella, anyone take your fancy?"

I giggled and looked around, it would be so nice to just have a normal date with a guy. Maybe the way I had been feeling towards Jasper was because I hadn't had a real relationship in so long. I knew I looked hot tonight, so I decided that I just had to go for it.

Laughing, I said to Alice. "Find me a man."

Giggling excitedly she scanned the busy bar.

"I'm looking, I'm looking, but I don't see anybody hot yet."

She sighed and flopped back in her seat. "I think I've been spoilt by the gorgeous specimen of a man that is Jasper Whitlock."

"What!" I almost yelled at her, as a mix of strong emotions coursed through my body. Shock and jealousy being the strongest.

"Oh Belllllls, lighten up," she laughed, hitting my arm, before collapsing into a fit of giggles.

"You'd have to be a nun not to think that guy is damn hot. It's clients like him that make me wish I did your job."

I scowled at her, really not seeing the funny side and suddenly feeling very defensive.

"Well I don't see him that way," I stated with a straight face.

"Bullshit!"

"No it's not," I said firmly.

She grabbed hold of my face and pulled me really close to her face.

"Bella Swan look into my eyes and tell me that you're not really looking forward to fucking this guy," she slurred in a stupid voice, before letting her head fall onto the table and laughing hysterically.

I was so shocked that I was speechless, the rational side of me knew that she was just joking but the rest of me was sent into pure panic mode.

"Of course not...its not like that...how dare you say that," I spluttered.

Alice lifted her head up off the table and threw herself at me in a semi hug.

"Oh my little uptight Bella, I'm only joking," she laughed. "We clearly need to get some more alcohol into you, and lucky for you, I'm buying."

She got up then and trotted over to the bar. I scrubbed my hands over my face and tried to pull myself together. What had gotten into Alice, she never talked like that about clients. This made me worry even more that she had sensed some of my inappropriate feelings towards Jasper. Lost in my thoughts, I suddenly realised that it had been at least ten minutes since Alice had gone to get drinks. I stood up from my seat and tried to look for her amongst the many people in the packed room. I spotted her stood at the bar, obviously flirting with a tall attractive looking guy. He was just Alice's type and I was glad she'd found something to distract her from our previous conversation, hopefully she wouldn't even remember it in the morning. I started to make my way over to her, but then my heart nearly stopped when I spotted a familiar figure across the room.

Jasper!

**So hope that made you laugh a little :) I enjoyed writing it. Just a warning, this is my last pre-wrote chapter, so updates won't be as quick but the next chapter is wrote, I'm just tweaking it a little. From now on updates will be weekly xxx**


	10. Chapter 10

_I stood up from my seat and tried to look for her amongst the many people in the packed room. I spotted her stood at the bar, obviously flirting with a tall attractive looking guy. He was just Alice's type and I was glad she'd found something to distract her from our previous conversation, hopefully she wouldn't even remember it in the morning. I started to make my way over to her, but then my heart nearly stopped when I spotted a familiar figure across the room._

_Jasper!_

Oh my god, what was he doing here. It was the last place I expected to see him. I quickly hid behind the post that was next to me and tried to think what to do next. I had bumped into clients and former clients before. It was bound to happen occasionally. And I had always had no problem either just walking away if they hadn't seen me or just saying a very quick hello and then going on my way.

I peeked around the post and caught a quick glimpse of him and as always he took my breath away. He looked so sexy in smart black jeans and a button down shirt. His usually tousled locks were a little more styled than usual, indicating that he'd tried to make an effort with his appearance tonight. I felt quite proud of him actually, I could imagine him deciding to use his growing confidence to go out to a bar. He was surrounded by several other men about his age, I wondered if they were work friends.

I decided that as much as I wanted to go over to him, I needed to make my way to Alice without him seeing me and then make her move onto a different bar. But as I made my way over to Alice I got a closer look at Jasper and saw how uncomfortable he was looking and my heart suddenly ached for him. He had obviously got himself into a situation that he wasn't able to handle yet. My poor boy. Then to my horror I saw two very predatory looking women making their way over to him, with a scary glint in their eyes.

My body moved of its own accord and I shot across the bar and pushed myself in from of the two very scary looking women. The look of shock on Jasper's face was priceless, but then I saw relief flood through him.

"Jasper, I'm so pleased you could meet me here," I lied. "Let's go outside where its a bit quieter and we can talk in private."

He was just staring at me and wasn't moving, and one of the scary woman was saying something I couldn't quite hear and didn't want to hear. So I linked my arm in Jasper's and practically dragged him out of the door. Once outside I kept my arm linked with his and carried on walking a little. After we had been walking in silence for a few minutes I spotted a small park, so I led us over to a bench, let his arm go, and sat down. Jasper hesitated a moment and then sat down next to me.

"Jasper, are you alright?"

"I am now," he answered very quietly.

"Do you want to talk?" I asked him.

I saw him look over at me. "Are you cold Bella."

I was touched by his concern for me, and smiled. Then I noticed that his eyes were glued to my very short dress and the ample amount of leg I was showing. I saw his eyes trail down to my heels and then back up again, before he realised he was staring and quickly looked away. His appraisal of my body, made a pink flush spread up from my chest to my cheeks. Was I blushing? It must be the alcohol I told myself. I cleared my throat and tried to speak normally.

"No, I'm okay but thank you for thinking of me."

We were both silent for several beats, before I spoke again.

"I know this a little unorthodox and I don't usually speak to people outside of work like this, but I couldn't leave you in there like that. I really hope I didn't overstep the mark."

Looking down at his hands, he quietly said, "I'm so embarrassed, once again Bella I've shown you what a loser I am."

"No Jasper," I replied, moving closer towards him.

"Fuck," he almost shouted, before jumping up and starting to pace in front of me.

"Why can't I act like a normal human being? My friends are in there drinking and chatting up girls and I'm out here having a semi panic attack."

The thought of how sexy he looked when he was all worked up like this drifted into my mind. But it was quickly replaced by sadness. Jasper did deserve a normal life, but I was confident that Alice and I could help him achieve that goal.

"It's going to take time Jasper, but Alice and I will get you there, I promise. We'll teach you techniques to deal with social situations like this and eventually you'll just do it without thinking about it. And you'll be able to walk into a bar like that one and pick up any girl you want."

I smiled brightly at him. But the thought that one day he would be out there getting all the women he wanted, filled me with a sense of sadness, as it could never be me.

"I'm still fucking pissed off at myself," he stated and started pacing again.

"Good, then channel that emotion to make a change and become the person you want to be."

He continued his angry pacing, so I added softly. "Those guys you were with in the bar, they haven't been through what you have honey, just give yourself a break."

He stopped and turned his gaze on me, before saying. "You understand don't you. I never thought anyone would really and truly understand me, but you do."

A sad smile spread across his face, but it didn't reach his eyes, and he sat down next to me again.

"Thank you Bella."

I smiled back at him. "I'm glad you feel that way."

Just then I heard my phone ringing from inside my purse.

"That will probably be Alice. I left her inside, but she doesn't know I came out," I explained to Jasper, before adding, "she'll be wondering where I am."

"Oh okay."

"Are you going home now?" I asked him.

"Yeah but I'll walk you back inside, I don't want you out here alone. Plus I need to let my friends know that I'm leaving."

"Are you sure you're okay to go back inside," I asked with concern. But once again touched by his concern for me, he really was such a gentleman.

"Yeah, I'll have you with me this time," he beamed at me.

"Yes you will Jasper, you'll have me as long as you want me." I knew this was such a loaded answer, but it had passed my lips before I could stop it.

But I felt my heart expand a little more and begin to pound in my chest when he stood up and put his hand out to help me up. I took it lightly in my own and let him apply a slight pressure to help me rise from my seat. I presumed he would let my hand go once I was standing, but he didn't, he kept hold of it lightly as we walked back towards the bar. I felt elated as I walked along the path with him,our hand joined this way and it wasn't lost on me that we looked good together as a couple. If only I'd met him in a different life, at a different time, I thought to myself.

When we entered the bar again, I felt his grip on my hand tighten, almost like I was his anchor. I spotted Alice walking around the crowd of people obviously looking for me. I wondered what Alice would think, seeing Jasper and I together like this. For a brief second I thought about hiding from her view, but the thought was too late as she quickly spotted me and waved. As she walked towards us I saw a look of shock on her face, when she saw I was with Jasper. As she reached us she blurted out at the top of her voice.

"Jasper, holy shit, it's you, or am I just so drunk that I'm seeing things."

Then she leaned in further towards us and slurred. "I just can't believe it, as we were just talking about you, me and my Bells, but don't worry it was all gooooooood."

I looked at Jasper's stunned face and realised that I had much the same expression on my face. Oh my god, I couldn't believe that Alice had said that, she was always so professional usually, much more than me. I panicked and pulled Jasper away, quickly saying to him.

"I don't know why she said that Jasper, obviously we wouldn't be talking about you in bar," I lied.

I looked up at him and saw a flash of disappointment cross his beautiful face. I felt like shit for lying to him but I really couldn't admit the truth.

God this evening had turned out to be so fucked up.

"Lets just try and forget this evening happened, shall we?" I said to him, still feeling like shit, especially when he looked at me with an expression of utter rejection.

So I quickly added. "It has been so nice to see you though, and you really do look very handsome tonight." I hoped he knew how genuinely I meant this.

He smiled at me and shyly said thanks.

I watched him say a quick goodbye to the guys he'd come with and then I walked with him outside so he could get a cab. Once I'd waved him off I went back inside, planning to have serious words with Alice and then I really needed to go to bed and have this evening end.

**A/N - Hope you enjoyed, and as always thanks for reading and click review and let me know what you think xx**


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11.

_The next day_

I laid in bed, nursing a slight hangover and tried not to think about last night. I put my hand over my eyes and groaned, as thought of last night invaded my head anyway.

After I had watched Jasper leave in the cab, I'd gone back inside to find Alice. I'd found her leaning against the bar, still drinking and talking to a different guy this time. This one was unfortunately a fat middle aged short guy, this told me that she was definitely too far gone. I'd took her arm and led her out onto the street, ignoring the complaints of the guy she had been chatting up. Then I'd hailed us a cab, took her home, and tucked her up into bed, after making her drink a big glass of water. I hoped her hangover wasn't too bad this morning,

I looked at the clock and saw that it was just after eleven in the morning. My stomach grumbled, so I decided to get up and down some painkillers with a very large coffee. Followed by a big bowl of lucky charms, I know, the breakfast of champions.

As I crunched on my cereal I sent a text to Alice to ask if she was conscious yet and to make sure she was okay. I was also a little nervous to find out what she remembered about last night.

I quickly typed.

_r u awake yet? Hope ur head isn't 2 bad babe. B x_

A few seconds later, my phone chimed. I picked it up again and saw a text back from Alice.

_I'm awake - just. Head feels like it's exploding! Did I imagine it or did we see Jasper last night?_

I had hoped that she would have completely forgotten everything about last night, but I guess that was too good to be true. I decided to call her, or we'd be here all day texting. I finished the last of my lucky charms and then took my phone and coffee back to bed. I got myself comfy and then brought up Alice's number on my phone and nervously hit call. After a few rings, she answered.

"Hey Bells!" she croaked down the phone.

"Hey babes. How you feeling?"

"Think I'm dying. Never, ever let me drink again!"

"Okay hun," I laughed.

"Bella! It is not funny."

I continued laughing. "Sorry."

"You don't sound sorry you bitch," she grumbled.

"No really I am sorry. I know I shouldn't laugh, but you did bring it on yourself."

"Oh my god Bells, last night is so hazy. Please tell me I didn't do anything too stupid!"

I let out the breath I didn't realise I had been holding, feeling relieved that it seemed that Alice really didn't remember a whole lot from last night.

"No Ally, nothing too crazy. But you did chat up a few interesting looking men." I laughed.

"Well that's not too bad." She paused a beat before adding. "Hey, did we see Jasper last night?"

I tried my best to sound casual, before telling her the abbreviated version that I had decided on.

"Yep we did see him, but you were too busy chatting up some random guy at the bar to say anything to him. But I noticed he was feeling a bit uncomfortable by the female attention he was getting, so I walked him out and found him a cab." There, that sounded reasonable I thought to myself.

"Bells it's not like you to approach a client outside of work."

This was true, Alice knew me too well, damn her!

"Ummm, yeah I know. I just couldn't let the poor guy have a panic attack right there in the middle of the bar," I stated truthly.

"Yeah, I suppose it was a difficult situation for you to be in," she said in a far too serious voice.

I desperately wanted to move on from this conversation before I said something that I would regret, or before Alice asked me anymore questions.

"Well when I came back in you were flirting with a fat old guy, so I decided it was time to get you home," I said, hoping to steer the conversation in another direction.

It seemed it had worked, when I heard Alice groan. "Oh my frigging god, I swear I am never getting drunk again. I turn into a blind slut apparently."

"I'd like to say you don't, but unfortunately you do," I laughed, before adding. "But the guy you were flirting with before that was actually a bit of hot stuff."

"I don't suppose you know what his name was do you? As I have like three guys numbers in my phone, and I don't know which one belongs to the old fat guy and which one belongs to the stud!"

I laughed again, "Well Ally the lesson to be learnt is to drink a little less next time."

"Fuck you," she grumbled. "I'm gonna go put my head back in the toilet, thanks for all the sympathy. Bye." She said sarcastically before clicking her phone off.

I sent her a quick text saying 'love you' and then decided that I'd probably feel better if I got up and took a nice long soak in the tub. As I relaxed in the hot bubbly water, I took a sigh of relief that Alice had forgotten what she had said about Jasper, so we wouldn't have to have any awkward conversations discussing it. Unfortunately **I **hadn't forgotten what she'd said about Jasper. I still couldn't believe that she'd called me out on my feeling towards him. Even though she'd said she was just teasing me, it had left a bad feeling in my gut. I had to pull myself together and start acting like the professional therapist that I was. I had to stop thinking about Jasper outside of work hours, and I had to stop now. And I would, I vowed to myself.

~~ooo~~

I had spent the last few days doing research for my new book and trying to keep the promise I'd made myself. But not thinking about a certain man was proving harder than I thought it would. Especially when my subconscious wasn't listening to me, and my dreams were filled with thoughts of Jasper. Some sweet and romantic and some just down right x-rated.

But today I was allowing myself to think about him, as I headed over to Alice and ours apartment. Alice had a session booked with Jasper in an hour and my mind was playing over the events of the night at the bar. I wondered what, if anything, Jasper would tell Alice about what had happened between us outside. But more than anything I was just looking forward to seeing him again.

I arrived at the building that housed our office apartment and headed up to our floor. Alice hadn't arrived yet so I flicked on the coffee machine and took advantage of the few minutes I had alone to get myself into work mode and put my professional head on. I opened the cupboard and reached in and got two large coffee mugs out, just as I heard Alice's keys rattle in the lock.

Alice bounced into the room, all signs of her hangover seemingly gone.

"Morning Bells. Ooh coffee great!"

"Feeling better, I see."

"Of course, no thanks to you though," she joked. "I'm running so late today though, I really need to go over some notes before Jasper arrives," she added while dashing into her office.

I turned my attention back to the coffee, and poured Alice and I a large steaming mug full each. Then remembering Jasper was due anytime I pulled out another mug and set it down on the worktop, deciding to offer him a coffee when he arrived. As usual thoughts of Jasper caused that little spark of excitement to spread through my body, and the butterflies to dance in my stomach.

Trying desperately to distract myself I picked up Alice's cup and carried it into her office. She was sat at her desk but she looked up and smiled as I entered.

"Oh thanks Bells," she said as she took the cup from me and inhaled the caffeine. "I really need this, I slept in and haven't had a drink yet."

"You're welcome, glad I come in useful occasionally," I laughed.

Alice looked at her watch. "Jasper is due to arrive any minute but I just need a bit more time to get prepared, would you mind just distracting him for a few minutes when he gets here and I'll come out when I'm ready."

"Yeah, no problem," I answered quickly. While the little voice in my head was saying 'oh Alice, it would be my pleasure'.

I headed back into the kitchen area and leaned on the counter and sipped my coffee for a few minutes, until I heard the knock at the door that I had been waiting for. I took a deep breath and headed over to the door and opened it. As usual the sight of Jasper made my heart rate speed up a little and caused a smile to cross my face.

I stepped to the side slightly and said, "come in Jasper, it's lovely to see you again."

The complement caused a shy smile to appear on his face as he stepped into the room.

"It's nice to see you too Bella," he said looking me straight in the eyes.

When I thought back to the first awkward meeting we had, the change in him was amazing. I knew they were just baby steps and that he had a long way to go but it warmed my heart to see his progress.

"Alice will just be five minutes or so," I told him before adding. "I've just made coffee, would you like one."

"Yeah definitely, thank you that's thoughtful of you."

"No worries," I said heading over to the counter. I poured another cup and then picked up both mugs and turned around. Jasper was still stood awkwardly by the door, looking very unsure of himself again.

"Come and sit down," I smiled. But as he started to walk towards me Alice's door clicked open and she skipped out.

"I thought I heard voices," she stated. "So sorry to keep you waiting Jasper, do you want to come through now," she added, motioning towards her office.

He started to head towards the door. "Hey, don't forget your coffee."

I held the steaming mug out to him, "be careful though, the cup is really hot," I said, walking towards him.

He reached out and took the mug from me, his sexy little shy smile adorning his face.

"Thanks Bella."

"Your welcome," I smiled back and watched him disappear into Alice's office.

I got comfy on the sofa and engrossed myself in my research for the next hour. The time quickly passed and before I knew it I heard the soft click of Alice's door again.

"Okay, so I'll see you in a couple of days," she said while walking him to the door.

"Yes and thank you so much for today," he said smiling sweetly at her. Seeing them interacting like this caused an inappropriate pang of jealousy to hit me. I almost felt like growling at her, and shouting 'mine'. I really had to get my shit together.

"Bye Bella," I heard him say from the door, drawing my attention back to the room. As he was heading out the door I suddenly remembered that we hadn't made another appointment together yet.

"Alice, I need to book another session with Jasper." I looked at Jasper and he was suddenly looking awkward again.

"It's okay, I'll speak to her about it," Alice said quietly to him before saying bye to him again and closing the door.

"What's going on?" I asked her, trying to keep my voice calm, even though I was getting a very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.

"Bella, Jasper and I have decided that he isn't going to have anymore sessions with you for the time being."

And with those words the bad feeling suddenly got a million times worse.

**A/N - sorry about the cliffie :) Would love to hear your theories, so hit review LOL**

**Sorry for the delay in getting this chappy out to you - I've started a Facebook group and there is more info on there as to why. Just search emmzz75 FanFiction Stories and apply to join xxx**

**Thanks, Emz x**


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